For a long time I would get the winter blues.

Every winter like clockwork, I would retreat into a miserable world of grey, heavy fog.

Life would seem so hard and frustrating.

I didn't realise the winter blues was actually a thing, that I was in control of it and could choose to be different.

At the end of one particularly grey, wet winter, I felt exhausted, my brain was heavy and life was bleak.

I felt like I had been fighting the abominable snowman for three whole months and it had won!

I so was sick of feeling this miserable every winter. I was wasting my precious time & energy. Something had to change.

Why couldn't I just feel good like I do in summer??

I realised this was a pattern, that it "happened to me" every year.

Just recognising this pattern helped me realise that I could change things. I vowed that next year would be different.

I learnt to recognise the melancholy feeling that came up more and more as winter approached.

I then consciously chose to take a different path.

I pushed myself to get out more, to keep doing the things I loved, to take extra care of myself and not let the blues take over.

Every year gets easier.

The abominable snowman still appears but we have a new respect for each other.

Accepting that winter is never going to feel exactly the same as summer (and it's not meant to) has also eased the mental strain.

I realised I was resisting the change in seasons and what winter was all about.

I was trying to hold onto the best bits of summer and drag them into winter with me, it was exhausting and it didn't work.

I have learnt it is ok to retreat and hibernate more in winter, that I can slow down without allowing the grey fog to roll in or beating myself up for not being as productive and carefree as I am in summer.

Although it's not my favourite season, I can embrace winter more now.

Winter has its own beauty.

I appreciate the time I get to slow down, reflect, create, eat more yummy soul warming food, have pyjama days and cosy times with my family in-front of the TV with the fire roaring.

So, here's to winter and all that this season comes with!

Katie. xx

All my life I have been a seeker. Searching for the meaning and purpose in life.

Somehow, always knowing there was more to life, I spent a lot of time searching for the answers outside of me, waiting for someone to save me, to take me under their wing and make me happy.

So many times I have been told that all the answers are all inside of me, only I know what will make me happy, only I know what is right for me and only I create the life I want.

I didn't want to believe that because, well, that's a lot of responsibility!
I would have to stop blaming all those outside things (and people) that are holding me back, making me unhappy, not letting me live to my full potential.

Although I was never happy, this was my safe place, a place where I could tap into a world of inspiration, ideas and possibilities but not actually having to put myself out there because, you know, I don't have enough skills, time or money, my relationship is complicated, I have kids and animals, and, what if it doesn't work out, what if I fail, what if...

The scariest thing was, I thought that if "only I have the answers inside of me" then I was on my own, it was all up to me! I would buckle under the pressure and stick with what I knew, my safe yet unhappy existance, searching for another way, another life, anything but taking full responsibility. Finding more and more ways to numb that longing feeling in my heart.

Then, I finally cracked, I was depressed. I couldn't live like this anymore, I hated who I had become.
I was exhausted from simultaneously running from the truth and seeking the answers (happiness) in all the wrong places.

I needed help. First through the usual avenues, doctors, psychologist and medication. They helped a lot, I was slowly coming out of the fog.
Then I found a life coach and (re-discovered) the world of personal growth.
I realised I wasn't alone, it wasn't only up to me after all. I learnt that taking responsibility for myself and my happiness takes a team of support and a shit load of learning/discovering who I really am before knowing what I really want and then creating it.
I learnt that vulnerability is not a weakness, I opened up, let other people help and believe in me, then slowly I could believe in myself.
I felt safe enough to dig deep, find all those answers, like treaure buried in the deepest part of my soul, bringing them out like jewels, examining them one by one and letting them shine.